GOOOOOOOOOOD MORNING JUNGLE-FROGS!!! Ok, check this; deep in the Peruvian jungle there’s a frog the size of a small cantaloupe. It`s a prized delicacy consumed by locals. It’s name, “Hualo” (ooah’ lo), comes from the uber-loud whomping sound (starts at middle-D on treble clef and grunts up to A) it makes all friggin’ night when tourists are trying to sleep in their tents. The best part?: drinking it’s urine makes you hallucinate for 6 days! (ok, so I made up the psycadelic-urine part, but you’re welcome to try it if you want. None for me, thank you. :) )
So I parked the bike and set out to do the second and final uber-touristy thing on my trip: a jungle tour. Giant whomping frogs aside, the Peruvian jungle is extremely rad. But getting to the jungle was arguably even more cool. In Yurimaguas, I boarded a huge river freighter on the Huallaga. The main deck carried cows, crates of chickens, bundles of plantains and sacks of potatoes and onions. The upper two decks were for passengers. Passengers must bring their own hammock and hang it. You should also bring a Tupperware bowl as meals are provided but plates are not. The whole boat assumed the vibe of “tent city” at a music festival; as people started mingling and sharing food. I was on this boat for 3 days. When the Huallaga merges with the Marañón; it’s officially called “The Amazon”. The birth of one of the world’s great rivers is quite a thing to behold. I saw huge river dolphins (bufeo) swimming and fish on boats that had to weigh 2-300 lbs. The boat docked in Lagunas and I headed for the jungle with 7 other tourists.
We traveled in dugout canoes and snacked on local fruit. We slept deep in the jungle under mosquito nets in a stilted thatched-roof shelter. The trees were alive with the chatter of birds, bugs and monkeys. The stars were brighter than I’ve ever seen them. I saw the big dipper for the first time in a while (you can’t see it further south).
My guide for the ride home, Hermán, didn’t own shoes. His skin was leathery from decades of extreme sun and bug repellent. Hermán had spent his entire life in this jungle and could imitate all the bird calls and get replies. As I studied the man paddling canoe in his element; I wanted to ask the obvious question, but Hermán shot back the ” don’t you dare ask about god damned Steve Irwin“-look so I asked anyway (he was a huge fan and quite sad when Steve died. it’s just that everyone asks).
I spotted a good-sized crocodile and Hermán and I “mucked with ‘em” for a while. It was an oar’s-length away when I stuck my hand out joking that I’d give it the bait. Hermán about messed his pants. Not sure what was wrong with jungle-boy’s sense of humor, but I enjoyed watching Hermán freak out. :)
We found a big group of Squirrel Monkeys and watched monkey chaos. When the monkeys cleared a huge Guacamaayo Rojo (Tucan) was sitting there. I looked at him like “whoa! you’d be like $500 in a pet store.” and the bird looked back at me like “yeah I know, I’m pretty much the shnizbit”. Tucans are so friggin’ cocky.
I was of course asking alot of questions about animals, and Hermán had would always disregard what I asked and instead give his hallmark phrase: “Si, muy rico (delicious), la carne de [animal you asked about]“. So I asked him if there was anything in the jungle he didn’t eat; and he said he hadn’t tried Tarantula (but added he thought it would be best fried). So I asked him what’s the tastiest thing in the jungle, and you know what he said? … (I’ll give you a minute to think. OK your minutes up)… Sloth. Hermán-the-monkey-man says Sloth is the tastiest animal in the jungle.
So there you have it; go out and do stuff!!! Or your lazyness will render you sloth-like and tasty and Hermán will come looking. I’m quite busy myself: biking the north coast (Mancura) and hoping to catch some surfing luck tomorrow. :) Suerte.
–Lucas
